Something that I keep hearing over and over (particularly from FEMALES) is the need to be better at saying “no.”
I am guilty of this sometimes as I’m sure you are too. Maybe you’re even one of these people who are absolutely terrible at saying “no.”
Saying yes to things that we really don’t wanna do or are only doing to make someone else happy is really taking us away from the important things in OUR OWN LIFE.
Do you say “yes” so you don’t disappoint people?
Do you say “yes” because you feel you are obligated to do so?
Do you say “yes” so you can prove something, maybe to yourself or to others?
I’m going to guess you’re nodding your head. Actually, I would BET that you’re nodding your head.
It’s ok, we’re all guilty.
If you step back and look at those questions,
saying “yes” is a fear-based decision that arises out of our ego.
“If I don’t do this, then…(they won’t like me, they’ll stop including me, they’ll be upset with me, they’ll be sad/hurt/angry…)."
“If I say no then…(who will do it? it won’t be done the right way. I’m not a good daughter/son/mother/father/sister/friend…)."
“If I say yes, then maybe I’ll finally prove to them/myself that I’m good enough, smart enough, strong enough, stable enough, I can handle it…."
Seriously, the list goes on for all of these scenarios. I’m sure if I asked all of my followers why they say “yes” when they really mean “no”, I’d get hundreds of different answers.
Let me tell you, 99% of those responses are made up by the ugly gremlin in your head. If people only like you because of what you can do for them, you need to find a new tribe.
Real relationships aren’t based on manuals of perfection. None of us are perfect. I mean, I find typos in my newsletters all the time (oops!). If you want perfection, find someone else with a professional copywriter. Maybe we’re not meant for each other’s tribe - AND THAT’S OK!
So how do you start saying “no”?
Start saying “no” to little things so you can build up to saying “no” to bigger things. (Work that NO muscle!)
Rather than making a rash decision, simply respond, “let me think about it.”
Respond, “I’d rather not” than the word, “no.” They carry different tones, don’t they?
If it’s a bigger request, maybe you practice your answer in the mirror before having to deliver it.
And remember, YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF.
When we say “no” to things that are out of alignment with our feelings and what we want, then we’re actively making room for the things we DO what to experience.
We all want the goods, but we don’t always make room for them.
Let’s make some room for honesty. Let’s say, “I’d rather not” to the things we don’t want, and only do the things that spur a “F*** YEAH!” response.
Just see what happens!
Let us know what you're terrible at saying "no" to and how you're planning to move forward. You never know, someone may be experiencing the exact same thing and it's nice to feel connected.
Hey, I'm Leah!
I'm a Life and Business Coach based in Washington, D.C. I help my clients go from good to exceptional.
“It is really inspiring for me to read on your blog, especially about the more spiritual and the "magic", since usually I am more of a rational and math guy, so it is great input and not too spiritual for me, it is still reasonable and makes sense to me.” - U.G.