Are you a people pleaser? Are you a self-described perfectionist?
I listened to a really great podcast on rejection the other day and it blew my mind.
Rejection. We are biologically programmed to avoid it and do whatever we can to prevent ourselves from being rejected.
From an evolutionary standpoint, being cast out by the group could mean death. Essentially, we are hard-wired for connection. (Wow, I’m quoting Brene Brown without even trying to anymore.)
"Perfectionists prevent rejection while people pleasers avoid it altogether.”
A perfectionist assumes that if they check and re-check that every "T" is crossed and every "I" is dotted, then they will be loved and maintain their desirable position in the group. By doing these things, rejection is avoided, even if temporarily.
People pleasers will avoid rejection at any cost by doing whatever it takes to be liked. This makes them liars because they say they like things they don't and do things they don't want to do. This typically is done at the expense of themselves.
Here’s the thing, though. The fear of rejection never allows us to fully develop into who we are meant to be.
Throughout your lifetime, you are constantly evolving because experiences change you. The people you meet change you. Your religious and spiritual beliefs will evolve, your political beliefs will evolve, your relationships will evolve.
The thought that the people in your circle won’t change over your lifetime is a quite flawed one.
When reflecting back over my life, I have had some amazing and intense relationships that fizzled out and some that have lasted years and years. The way I look at it is that people are put in your life to serve a purpose and to help you grow. When this purpose has been fulfilled, you both slowly kinda move on in your own direction.
Which is fine!