Are you a people pleaser? Are you a self-described perfectionist?

I listened to a really great podcast on rejection the other day and it blew my mind.


Rejection. We are biologically programmed to avoid it and do whatever we can to prevent ourselves from being rejected.


From an evolutionary standpoint, being cast out by the group could mean death. Essentially, we are hard-wired for connection. (Wow, I’m quoting Brene Brown without even trying to anymore.)

"Perfectionists prevent rejection while people pleasers avoid it altogether.”


A perfectionist assumes that if they check and re-check that every "T" is crossed and every "I" is dotted, then they will be loved and maintain their desirable position in the group. By doing these things, rejection is avoided, even if temporarily.


People pleasers will avoid rejection at any cost by doing whatever it takes to be liked. This makes them liars because they say they like things they don't and do things they don't want to do. This typically is done at the expense of themselves. 

Leah Carol - Washington DC Life Coach - people pleasing


Here’s the thing, though. The fear of rejection never allows us to fully develop into who we are meant to be.


Throughout your lifetime, you are constantly evolving because experiences change you. The people you meet change you. Your religious and spiritual beliefs will evolve, your political beliefs will evolve, your relationships will evolve.


The thought that the people in your circle won’t change over your lifetime is a quite flawed one.


When reflecting back over my life, I have had some amazing and intense relationships that fizzled out and some that have lasted years and years. The way I look at it is that people are put in your life to serve a purpose and to help you grow. When this purpose has been fulfilled, you both slowly kinda move on in your own direction.


Which is fine!


It doesn’t mean they still aren’t around and in your life, but instead just that the relationship has evolved.


The ones that have lasted, for me, are the relationships where we have been able to evolve ourselves in the same direction - not something you can really control.


The worst though, is when people reject themselves before they have the opportunity to be rejected by others. They immediately assume they are flawed and do everything in their power to hide. After all, you can’t be rejected when you’re invisible.


The fear of rejection keeps us from having a voice, a style, an art, or that certain unique quality.


You know how sometimes someone will say something to you to try to make fun of you and it means NOTHING and you just laugh it off? That’s how rejection can always feel if you watch what you are thinking and what you are making it mean. You must be mindful of the crazy train in your head.


If you are TRULY showing up, you WILL BE rejected by some. You’re a piece of art; not everyone is gonna “get it.”  


However, when you show up as the REAL you, the authentic you that makes YOU proud, rejection by your REAL tribe, is impossible.


So tell me, what are you hiding from?  What are you afraid of being rejected for?

Comment below and tell me your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.